A dopamine detox helps us step off the hedonistic wheel

My mother reads fiction the way I do, fast and with reckless abandon. I discovered this about her at age 12, after she devoured my novel, “Holes” by ___ in just a few hours. Until that day, I assumed she just didn’t enjoy reading for pleasure like me. I felt pity for her, for the worlds and stories she was missing. It was then that she explained to me that she used to read voraciously when she was younger, but she stopped because she lacked self control and allowed it to consume her life. 

I also lacked self control, but I always considered that a feature, not a bug. The more the novel consumed my life, the better I felt. The more real the fictional universe was, the more effectively I could escape my own real world. 

This all came back to me now as I am slowly becoming exposed to the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, and the idea that our desires are what keep us in an endless cycle of grief and despair. As soon as one desire is fulfilled, it is replaced by another. Refuse to fulfill these material desires, and you have acquired a unique freedom. 

When my mother abstained from reading fiction, she was practicing self-kindness. I never understood that until now. I mean, I respected her decision, but I couldn’t understand why you would hold yourself away from these amazing worldly pleasures. 

I understand now, as I battle my phone usage, social media, my never-ending escapism from my work and my PhD, and yes, still, my fiction addiction. On very bad days, my life is wasted away clicking on one youtube video after another. On slightly less bad days, I cannot pull myself away from a book. This morning, it was A Game of Thrones. 

On very good days, I do my work. I spend an adequate amount of time and effort, whether solid progress is made or not. I am focused on the task at hand. I go to the gym and am active. I socialize with my boyfriend, my mom, my friends. These are very very good days. Highlights that I remember. 

Lately, when I’m on the apex of a good day, I recognize the danger of indulgence and I’m able to say no a bit easier. No, I don’t need that bag of chips, because then I’ll want to consume them while watching youtube. Then I’ll want to watch another video and another until the day is gone. That way lies more desires. 

Right now, I am climbing out of a pit of desires. Clawing my way out. I’ve hit rock bottom today, felt the utter desolation that indulgence brings, and I didn’t like it. From here, it is easy to make good decisions, because the consequences are clear in my memory. For the next few days even, I’ll be on my good behavior, until I fall into the trap again. 

I don’t know if there is a way to indulge without falling. The Bhagavad Gita seemingly has the answer to that too: act without attachment. If pleasures come your way, take part without attachment. If hardships come, act without attachment. Far easier said than done. I suppose that’s what enlightenment is. Perfect action. 

So for me now, maybe it is better not to indulge? Like my mother who refrains from reading novels, maybe I need to do the same. That way lies desires and despair. 

These days, we call it a dopamine detox.